i still can't...

...i still can't wrap my head around it.  how can something like this (that usually takes 9 months) come about in about 10 days?
...i still can't believe the way my wife and children (or me for that matter) can process through this all.
...i still can't understand how the God of the universe works things for our good, and yet when i see Him do it, i know it can only be Him.
...i still can't believe how much love it all requires
...i still can't (read yesterday's post) let it go!

wow, wow, wow...

let it go

i've heard that the popular song "let it go" from the movie "frozen" is the most covered song ever on youtube.  and i'd believe it.  i can't believe how many people have recorded a video of their rendition and posted it for all the world to see (and critique).  even my own wife & children will belt that one out when it comes on in the car...or, unfortunately...a restaurant!
lyrically, the song isn't, IMHO, the most God-honoring thing, though i don't think it's bad.
but today it strikes me as a concept i need to embrace:  letting it go.

• i have to let go of myself so that the Spirit can manifest in me
• i have to let go of my selfish desires for the sake of those around me
• i have to let go of my dreams in order to have them replaced with bigger and better God-sized dreams.
• i have to let go.  period.

last week i had to let go of something very precious to me.  and while it was something tangible and i let it go for something better (though significantly less tangible), it hurt.  a whole freakin' lot!  it was sort of like the nail in the coffin on a dream.  and that, not just any dream, but a deeply-burning-in-my-soul kind of dream.  it was more along the lines of one of those "when God closes a door, He opens a window", window-wide open dreams.  

i felt like my window got closed.  forever.  boarded up, bricked over and sealed with foam.

but yesterday revealed once again that God is faithful and He's in control.  my perspective now is that not so much that the window was closed as much as it was removed from that house and put into a new and better house to let in a better, fresher breeze and life and love and joy.

of course, i can't tell you all about it.  that's the glory and agony of blogging.

but for now, i am content to be reminded that when i let go, God takes the reins.  and oh, what a ride it'll be.

Lord, let me be faithful even in this time of uncertainty.  hope springs eternal!

ministry

"With praise and thanksgiving they sang to the Lord:  'He is good; his love to Israel endures forever.'  And all the people gave a great shout of praise to the Lord, because the foundation of the house of the Lord was laid.  But many of the older priests and levites and family heads, who had seen the former temple, wept aloud when they saw the foundation of the temple being laid, while many others shouted for joy.  No one could distinguish the sound of the shouts of joy from the sound of weeping, because the people made so much noise.  And the sound was heard far away."  Ezra 3:11-13

sometimes ministry feels like this dichotomy.