life never goes as planned

i've always known that i was different. i have unique interests, unique ideas, unique inspirations. i'm an original (just like everyone else). shows like 'the wonder years' always resounded with me because i suppose on the outside i look normal; on the inside, i know i'm different.
so, the thought has come to me this morning that in yet another facet of my life, i am different. the guy who didn't get married until he was 26 and didn't have kids until he was 32--it's his baby girl that is graduating from high school tomorrow. how did i end up with a 19-year old high school senior? it's a long story (that i'm always happy to share).
but, because of the originality of my storyline, i'm wondering what i'm supposed to be feeling and what to make of the things i am feeling.

• she was never my baby, but i can't remember life before her
• i didn't really watch her grow up, but i've seen her change before my eyes
• i didn't teach her to ride a bike, but i've done my part to give her roots & wings
• i'm not her dad, but she's definately my kid

i'm pleased and proud (those, i think, are normal). i'm nervous that she's ready to fly solo (also normal). i'm not ready to let go (normal); i'm not ready to admit that she's ready (normal). i think i did my best and i think it wasn't good enough.

it's a graduation for me as well, a rite of passage from "daily hand-holder" to "i'm always here when you need me." May God bless us both in His future for us.

i'm sometimes overwhelmed by things that i know a little bit about. follow my logic...
if i understand a little bit about something, i can see the quality or lack of quality in various parts of that whole. in an attempt to have better insight into a subject, i begin to explore. it's the exploration that overwhelms me. there are so many variables (which despite the popular philosophy of "endless possibilities", i know, mathematically, are limited) that my mind boggles to try and account for it all.
then, i feel like a failure for i know i should be able to understand it.
perhaps you've felt the same thing (i'm counting on it in order to make a point). so, let me re-tell my story from above, paraphrasing along the way.
when i understand a little bit about the bible, i can see the basic truths: God created everything, Jesus died for me, etc. some various parts of the whole impact instantly and others seem irrelevant or pointless. so, in an attempt to have better insight into the book as a whole, i begin to explore. the the exploration that overwhelms me. there are so many books and people and sins and do's and don'ts, etc. i know the book only has so many pages, but my mind boggles to try and account for a limitless God within a limited book--and that leads to more overwhelming due to pondering of divine mysteries: revelation, infinitism, omniscience. then, i feel like a failure for i know i should be able to understand it. (and then my feeling of failure conflicts me for i know that i have been redeemed.)
take heart. you are not alone, nor isolated in your feelings. God hears your frustration and He will enlighten you--only as much as you need or can handle in the moment. then, from that moment, He leads us to the next.
so, allow yourself to be overwhelmed by the Word of God. to know it is to be overwhelmed by it. take it in stride. take small bites, chew well and enjoy the feast for it does, truly, feed the soul.

Divine Author, we ask for Your insight today. help us to read with understanding and to understand for the purpose of sharing insight with fellow readers.