individuality

last night proved a rare treat for me.
for so long, i've been proud of my family unit (i still am). i think back to the hurdles we'd run, jumped, crawled and/or barely made it over in order to have a strong, loving family unit. rhonda and i have insisted that we do things as a family whenever possible in order to avoid so many of the traps of separation that ensnare so many.
i'll fight to my death to support the family as a whole, but last night reminded me of the joy of the individuals of my family.
it was an unusual occurance for us on many planes--kara is away at college, rhonda was working late, emmaus went to his cousin's game and i wasn't working late on a thursday. this provided time for israel and i to be mano-a-mano (which by way, i always thought meant 'man to man', but actually is a spanish phrase meaning hand-in-hand and comes from the realms of bullfighting).
since the evening was so lovely, we walked to a local restuarant for an early dinner. there was only one other couple present in the entire establishment, so israel was king! we had the undivided attention of our server. we ordered (and ate) foods he couldn't pronounce (a 3-year old trying to say chimichunga is freakin' hilarious) and had the deepest and most profound conversation of his little life.
we talked about mama and CC and brother. we talked about his blankie and baseball. we conversed about profound topics of love and family--yes, all of this from a 3-year old. i felt very deuteronomical.
after supper, we packed up our leftovers (which he designated for mama to eat) and started home. but, as we walked past a barbershop, we decided to stop in and get him a much needed trim. israel has always been good about sitting still for haircuts, but last night was the ultimate. not only did he sit still, but he chatted with the barber--not just cutesy kid chat, but banter on the level one would expect to hear from floyd, andy and barney. it was magical.
since such good behavior deserves to be rewarded, we stopped at cvs to buy ice cream (actually, it was partly because i was feeling a bit depressed that my baby is growing up so fast). we made it home and sat on the back porch and ate ice cream...and continued to discuss things like church and heritage and how, for us, those intersect.
we finished the night with a viewing of one of his new favorites, the bee movie.
eventually, emmaus and mama came home and we were glad to see them. it was late, so we didn't get much time with them as we all wound up the day and headed to bed.
i am blessed by my children, but last night i was reintroduced to my child. the profundity of the moment was not in how fast they grow up or any sort of cat's in the cradle menmtality; it wasn't in an evening when obedience was the norm instead of the exception. the moment was profound to be reminded that star trek was correct. huh?!
often, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. but sometimes, the needs of the few, or the one, outweigh the needs of the many. mano-a-mano.

Great God in heaven, give me more moments like these: moments of mano-a-mano life with my wife and each child and moments of mano-a-mano life with my family. we are blessed with and by each other.

scary, huh?

it's emotionally and spiritually overwhelming to consider how your child's ability to appreciate the thing you think most often defines you may be diminishing. the end is not yet in sight, yet the end does not look bleak--all things in good time. but, the flood of "what if's" and "why me's?" can really freak you out.

it's been a while

holy cow! i can't believe how long it's been since i blogged.
i'm not really sure that i have anything to say today that gave the uncontrollable urge to type, but i did notice that my blog address is on email signature. that reminded me that people do click on those occasionally and i really ought to say something.
of course, the same old topics are always good--my wife is beautiful and loving, my kids are a immeasurable blessing, allergy season sucks (rather, it blows--as in, my nose).
i've had some personal struggles lately, but they are different than previous life-things. i'm not sure that i'm ready to share them nor that i ever will. the small world is getting smaller and i wouldn't want to cause unnecessary harm just because i want to spout for a bit.
so, until inspiration strikes again, i'll sign off.