so, my wednesday post was about a dream-within-a-dream.
today, i'm blogging about a movie about blogging. coincidence?
we went to see julie & julia yesterday for rhonda's birthday. it is a very sweet film and i recommend it (some questionable language, as might be expected). though i'll warn you--it made me hungry.

i'm not one who can usually remember his dreams. i'm told that i have them everynight, that they are a part of healthy sleep. but, rare is the occasion that i wake up remember the pictures in my mind.
but, last night was different.
likewise, i'm not one to fall into irrational fear--that is, i can watch slasher movies without double checking the locks on the door. i watched 'the exorcist' without questioning the motives of my son's tantrum.
but, last night was different.
i had a dream that i was chaperoning a trip for kings high school. that's a little strange for it is something that i did this past spring. the difference this time is that it was for the band/orchestra and not the choir. we were headed west for a very large competition on 2 charter busses.
as it often is with dreams, you don't remember all the details, but this i remember--i had a dream within my dream. just before we were packing the busses to leave, i fell asleep and dreamed that my family (who wasn't my actual family, but in my dream they were the real ones) went on vacation. while we were driving a large pick-up and pulling a camper (which is how those of you who really know me can tell it was not real), we lost control and drove over a cliff. the only survivor was our dog.
well, that dream-within-a-dream woke me up in the dream, but i felt such a overwhelming fear that i couldn't get on the bus to chaperone this trip. i tried to tell everyone that it was a prophecy about this trip and that we were all going to die, but no one listened.
eventually, i just slowly walked away from the busses and headed home, slowly walking, in a daze. (and yet strange details i do remember is that i was headed towards king's island and the sun was setting (or rising) just behind the eiffle tower).
the dream-within-a-dream was, in fact, a prophecy, but not about the trip of teens from kings. as i headed off into the sunset, i walked through an apartment complex and was shot down in a drive-by shooting. i died, but the trip out west had a wonderful time. i should have stayed on the bus.
so, in my dream (not the dream-within-a-dream), i was so frightened by the realizism--even though i was already dead--that my real, sleeping self was truly frightened. i couldn't go back to sleep.
i'm fine now and i realize the dream(s) were just that. i know God speaks through dreams, but i'm not convinced He had anything to say through this one. i'll just mark it up to weird and go on with my day.
but, i'll probably avoid busses, chaperones and apartment complexes for a few days.

i can't believe it's been 2 months since i've typed my thoughts into this completely pointless and worthless website known as the blog of jared. time flies when you're not paying attention.

and, really, i don't have much to say today, except that i want to be real and genuine. i want to be completely transparent. i want to live without pretense or facade. hopefully, you know me to be like that.

and having said that, i want to type here that this blog is just my thoughts. i write things here that you may or may not agree with. sometimes i don't even agree with all the things i write. my thoughts are not always holy and reverent; sometimes i am raw and irrational. i want to be like Jesus, but that process isn't always neat and tidy. nonetheless, these words are my words and i own up to the things i say.
if you're blessed by them, i'd like to know that. but, then again, i don't need to know it. i'm glad that God spoke to you through me.
if you're offended by my words, that's your right, too. but, don't hold anger against me. there's no point in you committing a sin just because my words rubbed the wrong way. let's discuss it; let me know what i said that was hurtful to you.
if you don't like what i write or the way that i write, don't read it. my self-esteem doesn't ride on your approval of my blog. i didn't write it for you or your pleasure or really for anyone except myself. it is my catharsis.
if you look at me differently because of my transparency, that's OK too. so be it. i was not placed on this planet for your approval. i'm just a citizen of heaven, temporarily assigned to serve God in this place.
and, if you think this transparency speaks against my previous statements about being like Jesus, then let's discuss that too. i'm open to listening to your ideas on what a christian's attitude ought to be.