another bad moment

for those who read my blog, you know i am very upfront and hopefully transparent about who i am and what i do. i don't want it to be about me, but about a presentation of the world as i see it--that Christ would be seen in me and that my puny questions are a reflexion of a quest to know Him deeper.
having said that, let me tell you that i had more bad news this weekend (read a previous blog about my last bad news). here's my conundrum:

what is the measure of how certain news hits as good or bad?

i remember a book from my childhood "that's good; that's bad". the things that were thought to be good were actually bad for the characters, but that which was thought to be bad was actually good for the characters. it was a kids' book, so it wasn't too deep.

but, when i hear of one person and the results of their choices, it was all i could do to compose myself for the next moment. still, as i type this today, am reeling under the heartbreak of the news. yet, it was about a person that i know not well. in fact, though we share a certain connection, i've only been in their actual presence a couple of times.

and yet, when i hear news about someone for whom i have a distaste, but share a greater bond and connection, i moved quickly past it. the news of this person, though much worse by anyone's standards, barely made me blink before moving on to anger at "letting this happen" to them.

where is my compassion for humanity?
who made me judge of the world's morality?
why am i choosing to harbor this bitterness?

i don't have answers, but i'm looking for them. if you have some advice, i'm listening. in the meantime, i'll look to the Lord--He's where my strength comes from. actually, i guess i need to talk to Him about it, too. i haven't done that yet (shame on me).

Lord, i need You in my heart more than ever before. i confess you to my misguided motives and i repent of anger and hatred. my need for grace is so strong and my need to give grace is stronger still. "restore unto me the joy of Thine salvation and renew a right spirit within me." let your grace overflow my life to those around me in need. return me to the status of Your vessel, ready and willing to be used by You.