i'm not really sure what i want to say today. there is so much in my mind and in my heart that wants to burst forth. i have beauty in my life and i have heartaches. i am acutely aware of and conspicuously naive of so many things that are present in my life.
the ideals of surrealism have captivated my thoughts of late. wikipedia (that most reliable of sources) says "Surrealist works feature the element of surprise, unexpected juxtapositions and non-sequitur." is there a more apt description of life in Christ? well, for that matter, life in general is full of non-sequitur.
now, let me clarify one important point: i do not hold with all the ideals and extremities of surrealism, dadaism, etc. but, the underlying premise (as written above) really seems to be true for me.
i am blessed, though cursed by my own sins. i am happy and heartbroken. i am smiling and sobbing and starry-eyed and stark and strained and surging.
often i have said "it's all good." i realize that's not the truest thing i've ever uttered, but it sums up a life-philosphy that embraces life despite its foibles, takes the bad because it leads to good, in the grip of hope amidst the choke of hopelessness.
maybe i need a new phrase--something like "it's all dickinsian--the best of times, the worst of times", "it's all ecclesiastical--nothing new under the sun" or "it's all God".
i'm noting the humor in myself. as i type this, i unwittingly realize i have the expression that my grandpa had whenever he was perplexed. "it's all perplexing"? "it's all dichotomy"? 3rd generation of perplexed? how many of us have experienced this (all that have lived, i suppose)?
maybe someday i'll understand it, or at least have perspective that captures a nugget of truth, an ideal to hold on to. but, if not, this i know: God is good.
for now, i accept this as my own internal duet--major and minor keys simultaneously singing the same song of praise.
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