vicarious pain

i've never been in that situation myself.
i'd like to offer encouragement and say, "i feel you pain." but, i don't and i can't.
i wish i could take all, or at least some, of the burden--pain by proxy for those i love.
but, i can't.
all i can say is, "let me help you pick up the pieces."

God, this sucks. i didn't want them to make this choice. i wanted it to be a shining example of Your grace poured out on the fallen, restoring them to the place of trust and community. i didn't want them to be the statistic. i wanted them to be the exception.
i need Your help to know how to encourage without enabling. i need You to prompt me when i need to check in with them. i can't imagine the pain, so however i am able to bring healing, use me.