dichotomy

dichotomy is one of my favorite words. i could spend a lot of time explaining why; i could draw comparisons and the like to demonstrate why i like the word so much. here's my reason of the day.
my blog presents an interesting dichotomy. well, at least it's interesting enough to me to write about it, but it's probably not actually interesting at all.

my blog has always been my place to unleash my thoughts. because there are no rules of blogging, i tend to just throw it all out there and see what rises to the top. it's cathartic to look for trends and patterns in my life.
and yet, it keeps me centered because of the notion of who might read it. that is, it keeps my integrity in check, shaping me to write honestly, with integrity instead of bad-mouthing, bashing, etc. words in general are powerful to build-up or tear-down. my blog forces responsibility with words. and it is my conviction that even when correcting and rebuking, we can do it in a manner that builds up.

and thus the two sides of my dichotomy. i need to unleash my thoughts. i have a great tool at my disposal that can help me sort through the stuff, the muck. but just like grace, the tool's potential is worthless unless it is put to work.
on the other hand, i'm not sure that i want to be responsible with my words. the issue is deeply personal to me and involves as person in my life. i don't know if that person ever reads my blog or not. if they didn't, i could just tear them down as anonymous and i think i'd feel good for the moment. but if they were to read my words, would they be built-up or torn-down?

another strand of my web is that now that i have posted this, many in my life will become self-conscious. they'll develope a judas-complex: "surely, not i!" which is not the point.
i question whether i should write about it at all.
but that leads to my first point: this could be a great tool for me to sort through my thoughts--which desperately needs to happen.

Lord, let my words be from you at all times whether they come from my mouth or my fingers.