another bad moment

for those who read my blog, you know i am very upfront and hopefully transparent about who i am and what i do. i don't want it to be about me, but about a presentation of the world as i see it--that Christ would be seen in me and that my puny questions are a reflexion of a quest to know Him deeper.
having said that, let me tell you that i had more bad news this weekend (read a previous blog about my last bad news). here's my conundrum:

what is the measure of how certain news hits as good or bad?

i remember a book from my childhood "that's good; that's bad". the things that were thought to be good were actually bad for the characters, but that which was thought to be bad was actually good for the characters. it was a kids' book, so it wasn't too deep.

but, when i hear of one person and the results of their choices, it was all i could do to compose myself for the next moment. still, as i type this today, am reeling under the heartbreak of the news. yet, it was about a person that i know not well. in fact, though we share a certain connection, i've only been in their actual presence a couple of times.

and yet, when i hear news about someone for whom i have a distaste, but share a greater bond and connection, i moved quickly past it. the news of this person, though much worse by anyone's standards, barely made me blink before moving on to anger at "letting this happen" to them.

where is my compassion for humanity?
who made me judge of the world's morality?
why am i choosing to harbor this bitterness?

i don't have answers, but i'm looking for them. if you have some advice, i'm listening. in the meantime, i'll look to the Lord--He's where my strength comes from. actually, i guess i need to talk to Him about it, too. i haven't done that yet (shame on me).

Lord, i need You in my heart more than ever before. i confess you to my misguided motives and i repent of anger and hatred. my need for grace is so strong and my need to give grace is stronger still. "restore unto me the joy of Thine salvation and renew a right spirit within me." let your grace overflow my life to those around me in need. return me to the status of Your vessel, ready and willing to be used by You.

bad news

as is often the case, wisdom for my life comes from the music and lyrics of Twila Paris. when we received the letter yesterday i didn't know what to do. i wanted to yell and scream and be angry. i wanted to crawl into a ball and cry. heartbreak hurts--only it's worse than physical pain because the emotions are more fragile than the body. here are the lyrics that gave me the message i needed to hear. and for the one not named, i continue to lift you in prayer.

Neither Will I Lyrics

I heard your name today. I heard you made the old mistake again and it hit me hard. I really thought this time that you would somehow find a way to meet the faith I had in you. And I confess I almost lost that faith today. But, I was wrong, so wrong...

(Chorus) 'Cause He will never give up on you and neither will I, neither will I. Know that we still believe in you and if you will try, if you will try again He will never give up on you. And, neither will I, neither will I, my friend.

I heard your name today. I heard it from a wiser voice inside and it broke my heart. I got down on my knees, reminded that the Father of your soul has been the One to care the most. And He is there to lift you up and hold you close. His love is strong, so strong...

(Repeat Chorus)

Keep walking on and keep on looking straight ahead. And, when you feel like turning back, turn to Him instead

(Repeat Chorus)

Father, let me know how to respond to everyone that crosses my path, for better or worse.

pix

mama & baby together--and actually smiling at the same time!







of course, he'll be a foodie like mama & papa, but the apron says it all: "baking love"

(at this age he's more interested in chewing on the apron than wearing it. which, is ok because the smallest we could find is still huge on him)





learning to type with papa









he's always helpful in the kitchen, especially when it came time for canning tomatoes and pickles.










he can't walk or even stand on his own yet, but we put him on the trampoline. the smile tells you he had a great time (uncle tony is always a fun time).













a very cool-looking reds fan in the making. thanks for the shirt aunt angie!












this one melts mama's heart. she almost cried when she took it.










picking tomatoes. although, mostly he preferred to chew on the vines instead of picking the red things. occasionally, he even chose weeds over tomato vines.