motivation?

i'm tired of it. sometimes i can pollyanna the whole thing away, but today i don't think i can deal with it any more.
i am sick of people motivated only by selfish means. i suppose i could deal with it if it just happened outside of the church, but more and more narcisism creeps in. it hurts me in the deepest part of my soul for it seems like the world is having more and more impact on the church instead of Christ's church having an impact on culture. does Christ still change the hearts of His people. who is winning this war?
would you think it fair to say that a heart not being changed by Christ does not actually belong to Him? the Bible says there ought to be fruit of the Spirit's presence. i'm not seeing fruit.

• i am seeing commitments unfulfilled.
• i am seeing lies justified by "whoops".
• i am seeing families falling apart. (well, maybe it would be more accurate to say i'm seeing families walking apart. when each member goes their own way, eventually they are no longer together).
• i am seeing a decrease in ability to find workers for the harvest.
• i am seeing a building that is full and a church that is empty.

Scripture tells us to "ask the Lord of the harvest to send workers into the field". i understand (and struggle with) the notion that not everyone has the gift of evangelism. but, i also understand that prayer is never mentioned in the list of gifts because it is not a spiritual gifting, but rather a spiritual responsibility. when i connect those two ideas i see that the Lord seems to have stopped sending workers because those already in His Kingdom have stopped asking Him to do it.

that's why i'm tired of it.

we can't even pray anymore because it's incovenient--except when we need help. to think of others first (and lift them up in prayer) isn't in our agendas. but, if we need help, then God must answer to us.

sorry sisters, it don't work that way; sorry brothers, it won't roll that way.

to You, Emmanuel, i pray today for i need You to be with me. i know it is not my place to judge the thoughts and actions of men, but i'm discouraged by the lack of fruit. in whatever way i can be used, use me. i pledge to You all that i am and all that i have. remind me (gently, please) of the all that "all" includes. i pray for my church as well. bring us all together as one--Yours. let there not be a single selfish thought among us. replace our selfish spirits with the mind of Christ, for Your glory, for Your honor, for Your benefit. soli Deo gloria!